Tale of the unheralded Herald ~ Justin Eiler

 Seems once there was a Herald
He’d stood too long in the sun.
He went to an SCA event
To have a little fun
Said Herald brought a guitar
With which he sang this rant
“Who says that Heralds cannot pun?
But they can only Cant!”

He found a quiet corner
Near a Bardic Circle’s beat.
He stood up in his great big boots
(And that was no small feat)
He played and sang most pun-ishly
And did so night and day
And yet with all his singing,
He did not shout “Oyez!”

His lyrics – they were lousy
His tune – well it was worse
His language was most vile and foul
And moreso every verse!
He kept up with his singing
Until the King’s Guard came
They told him “You must come with us
This in the Queen’s own name.”

They brought the punning Herald
To the Queen’s pavilion nigh
He bowed unto Her Majesty
And saw wrath in Her eye.
She said, “You do offend me
With the verses that you sing.
Go ye, and pun nevermore
Or from a yardarm swing.”

The sweating Herald left her
And his heart was beating fast.
He was wont to make more jokes
But his next, it was his Last!
The Guard said, “If you want to live
No more of the songs you sang.”
The he said, “No noose is good news….”
And smiling he was hanged!