Volga's Birthday

THE BIRTHDAY DIRGE
                     tune: "Volga Boatmen"
     
          Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
     1.   Now you've aged another year
          Now you know that Death is near
          Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
     
          1a.   So you've aged another year
                Now you know that Death is near
     
     2.   Children dying far and near  
          They say that cancer's caused by bheer

   2a.   Children dying everywhere
         Women crying in despair
     
     3.   Death, destruction, and despair
          People dying everywhere
     
          3a.   Doom and gloom and dark despair
                People dying everywhere!
     
          3b.   Doom, destruction, and despair
                Grief and sorrow fill the air
     
          3c.   Doom, destruction, and despair
                People dying everywhere
     
          3d.   Death and gloom and black despair
                People dying everywhere
     
          3e.   Pain destruction and despair
                People dying everywhere
     
     4.   Typhoid, plague and polio
          Coffins lined up in a row
     
     5.   Now that you're the age you are
          Your demise cannot be far
     
          5a.   Now you are the age you are
                Your demise cannot be far
     
          5b.   When you've reached the age you are
                Your demise cannot be far
     
Other Common Verses:
     
     6.   Black Death has just struck your town
          You yourself feel quite run-down
     
          6a.   Pestilence has struck your town
                You yourself feel quite run-down
     
     7.   Birthdays come but once a year
          Marking time as Death draws near
     
     8.   Long ago your hair turned grey
          Now it's falling out, they say
     
          8a.   Soon your hair will all turn grey
                Then fall out (or so they say)
     
The Viking/Barbarian Verses:
     
     9.   Burn the castle and storm the keep
          Kill the women, but save the sheep
     
          9a.   Hear the women wail and weep
                Kill them all, but spare the sheep
     
          9b.   May the women wail and weep
                kill them all, but save the sheep
     
     10.  Burn, then rape by firelight
          Add _romance_ to life tonight
     
     11.  Indigestion's what you get
          From the enemies you 'et
     
     12.  May the candles on your cake
          Burn like cities in your wake.
     
          12a.  May the cities in your wake
                Burn like candles on your cake,
     
     13.  May the children in the street
          Be your barbequeing meat
     
          13a.  We love children, yes we do
                Baked or broiled or in a stew
     
     14.  May your deeds with sheep and yaks
          Equal those with sword and axe
     
          14a.  May your deeds with sword and axe
                Equal those with sheep and yaks
     
     15.  They stole your sword, your gold, your house
          Took your sheep but not your spouse
     
     16.  This one lesson you must learn
          First you pillage, then you burn
     
     17.  While you eat your birthday stew
          We will loot the town for you,
     
The SCA Verses:
     
     18.  We brought linen, white as cloud
          Now we'll sit and sew your shroud
     
     19.  You're a period cook, its true
          Ask the beetles in the stew
     
     20.  Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
          Your children plot to murder you
     
Other Verses:
     
     21.  Fear and gloom and darkness but
          No one found out you-know-what
     
          21a.  Just be glad the friends you've got
                Haven't found out you-know-what
     
     22.  I'm a leper, can't you see
          Have a birthday kiss from me
     
     23.  It's your birthday never fear
          You'll be dead this time next year
     
     24.  Now another year has passed
          Don't look now they're gaining fast!
     
          24a.  So far Death you have bypassed
                Don't look back, he's gaining fast
     
     25.  Now you've lived another year
          Age to you is like stale beer
     
     26.  Now your jail-bait days are done
          Let's go out and have some fun
     
     27.  See the wrinkles on your face
          Like the pattern of fine lace
     
     28.  Were I sitting in your shoes
          I'd go out and sing the blues
     
     29.  So you're 29 again
          Don't tell lies to your good friend
     
          29a.  Tho you're turning 29
                Age to you is like fine wine
     
     30.  You must marry very soon
          Baby's due the next full moon
     
     31.  When you've reached this age you know
          That the mind is first to go