(The Guys Lines)
If all the young ladies were little white rabbits
I'd be a hare and I'd teach 'em bad habits
If all the young ladies were sweet fruits and berries
I'd handle their melons and nibble their cherries
If all the young girls were like fish in a pool
I'd be a shark with a waterproof tool
If all the young girls were like cows in the pasture
I'd be a bull and fill them with rapture
If all the young girls were like mares in the stable
I'd be a stallion and show them I'm able
If all the young ladies were locks on a gate
I'd be a key and insert and rotate
I wish all the girls were like statues of Venus
I'd be a Greek with a petrified penis.
If all the young ladies were little red foxes
And I were a hunter I'd shoot up their boxes
If all the young girls were like trees in the forest
And I were a woodsman, I'd split their clitoris
If all the young girls were like telephone poles
I'd be a squirrel, stuff my nuts in their holes
(opt. I'd grab my red pecker to stick in their holes)
If all the young ladies were winds of the sea
I'd be a sail and I'd let them blow me
If all the young ladies were fish in the ocean,
I'd be a shark and I'd raise a commotion.
If all the young ladies were sheep in the clover,
I'd be a ram and I'm ram them all over.
If all the young ladies were birds in their nests
I'd be an egg and lie under their breasts
If all the young girls were like coals in the stoker
I'd be a fireman and shove in my poker
If all the young ladies belonged to the Horde
I'd be a yak herd and -never- be bored!
If all the young ladies were doors of stout wood
And I were a knocker I'd bang 'em up good
If all the young ladies were singing this song
It would be twice as bawdy, and six times as long!
If all them young ladies was wheels on a car,
Then I'd be the piston and go twice as far.
If all the young ladies were bats in a steeple
And I were a bat there'd be more bats than people
If all the young ladies were bells in a tower
And I were a sexton, I'd bang every hour
If all the young ladies were built like a shoe,
I'd be a foot and do what I could do.
If all the young girls were linear spaces,
And I were a vector, I'd aim for their bases.
If Lassies were wine glasses, and filled up with rum
A rub round the lips would make them all hum!
If all them young lassies were kittens with fur
I'd give all a good reason to pppuuurrr
If all of them lassies were statues of Venus,
I'd be equipped with a petrified penis.
I wish all the ladies was little white flowers,
And I was a bee, I’d suck them for hours
I wish all the ladies were moles in the grasses
And I were a mole, I’d smell the molasses
I wish all young lasses were like wine in a glass
Then I’d get so drunk, I’d fall on my ass
Ladies Verses
If all the young laddies were fine silks and laces
And I were an iron, I'd sit on their faces
I wish all the laddies were like pipes in the yard,
After I drained them they'd still remain hard.
If all the young laddies were coconuts sweet
I'd suck out their juices and chew on their meat
If all the young laddies were merry go rounds
I'd mount up and we'd go up and down
If all the young laddies were big wooden stairs
They'd go up mine and I'd go down theirs
If all the young laddies were bottles of beer
I'd give good head and they'd be of good cheer
If all the young laddies were cocks in the hay
I'd be a hen and I'd have a good lay
If all them young laddies were papier-mâché -able,
I'd have them, discard them; they’re biodegradable.
If all them young laddies were firemen bold,
I’d visit their station and slide down their pole.
If all of our laddies were skins of fine wine,
I’d go after yours once I’d finished off mine.
(You let me taste yours then I’ll let you taste mine)
If all them young laddies were flowers in the soil,
I’d water their roots; for long stems I would toil.
If laddies were washcloths with soap in my tub,
I’d lather all over and have a good scrub.
If all of them laddies would set down their mugs,
I’d quench all their thirsts with one taste from my jugs.
If all the young laddies were fire that scorches,
I’d be the flame and would heat up their torches.
If all them young laddies were puppies full grown,
I’d let them know where to bury their bone.
If all the young laddies were waves in the sea,
I’d stand on the shoreline and let them pound me.
For all those young laddies attempting to woo,
Your luck will improve if you bathe and shampoo
If all them young laddies were cones of ice cream
The was that I’d lick them just might seem obscene
To all the young laddies here's a word to the wise,
The lasses love tickling but what matters is size.
If all the young laddies were butchers so sweet,
I’d swing on their hooks and I’d pound on their meat
If all the young laddies had needles for dicks,
When they gets to sewin’, you should beware their pricks.
If all the young laddies were planets in space,
And I were a rocket, I’d land on their face
If laddies were sailing in channels quite thin
I’d be the lighthouse and guide them all in
If all the young laddies were singing this song,
It'd be over too quick and be half as long...
If all the young laddies were singing this dity
it'd be twice as long, but just half as witty
If all them young laddies was milk in a cup
And I were a kitten, I’d lick them all up
If all them young laddies were economy cars,
And I were the fuel, with me they’d go far.
If laddies were watches in shiny gold cases,
Then I’d be the hands and sit on their faces
If all them young laddies were sweets and hard candy,
I’d suck on a few when I’s feeling randy
If all them young laddies were airplanes in flight,
I’d be the hanger and hold them all night
If all them young laddies were grapes in the sun,
I’d grab a big bunch; squeeze their juice one by one.
If all them young laddies were bakers of pies,
And I were the bread yeast, I’d make them all rise
If all them young laddies were potters of clay,
I’d sit on their wheels and rotate all day
If laddies were barrels of whiskey rye
I’d turn on their spigots and drink them all dry.
If laddies were clouds all fluffy and gray,
I’d be the wind and I’d blow them all day.
If all them young laddies were whales in the sea,
I’d be a minnow and let them eat me.
If all them young laddies were needles and pins
And I were the cushion, I’d hold their pricks in
If laddies were chocolates in which to indulge
I’d reach for the ones with the largest bulge
If laddies were knights in search of romances
I’d bed the ones with the longest lances
If all them young laddies were ball swinging wreckers,
We’d all be impressed by the strength of their peckers
